I know you’re changing.
Things are happening in your life that are forcing it.
Everybody has something inviting them to step into their next becoming.
Sometimes it’s circumstances that block you like it was with me. Here’s what happened.
Nothing gets your attention like PAIN!
The Universe stopped me dead in my tracks.
“You ain’t goin’ nowhere, Sistah, until you deal.”
“Ouch! This hurts like hell! I’m listening. Give me a break! I’ve got stuff to do!”
“Uh uh. Not until you take care of this cloud that’s been hanging over you a whole, bloody year!”
Sciatica. I hurt no matter which way I moved – or laid. It struck the weekend after I moved into a new house.
I hadn’t done any lifting and have no idea what actually triggered it, but sciatica effectively shut down my unpacking and organizing. I practiced good self-care: saw a physiotherapist, then an osteopath, took meds, rested and moved, and still, I awoke in agony.
What? I’m not a hypocrite! How… Oh. Hmmm. I wonder…
There was a woman I loved deeply with whom I’d experienced an inexplicable breach. She had been constantly there. Now she was gone. I had no idea why. Everything in my life changed over that summer and I missed her desperately, but in several attempts to talk about things, nothing changed. And then she became a bit of a Mean Girl. I felt shut out and disrespected. So I let her go and focused on other friendships.
There were two of her, sweet and not-so-sweet. I couldn’t help myself. I still loved the sweet one but I couldn’t help but keep a guard up against the other one.
Time passed and the sweet one started coming around again – charming, insightful and helpful. It made me nervous, how much I enjoyed her, even guarded. Underneath I was still hurt and angry, the air never cleared, the right words never spoken.
So here I am in a world of hurt and she offers help and company. Again. One Sunday she came, we meditated, talked about our spiritual process, had lunch. She put medicine on my painful places, read while I rested, walked my dogs. She said, “This was lovely. Maybe we can do it again next Sunday.”
When the time is right, you know it. The opening for which you rehearsed.
“That’s a great idea. I thought the same thing. But first, we have to clear this thing between us.”
It does not minimize the complexity, intensity or pain, that this turned out to be – apparently – misunderstandings all the way around, compounded by our human reactions to pain. Pain based on an old story that we dreaded was happening again.
As we talked, I leaned against the wall of my patio garden to ease the aches in my body. I felt a huge knot of pain in the back of my pelvis soften, melt and begin to drain away. In Andean shamanism, it’s called “hucha,” the dense, heavy vibration of painful emotions that gets locked into our systems. That’s where blocks come from. This one was dissolving. I had been trying not to tense against the pain, but now the melting pain left release in its wake.
Everything is energy. Energy follows intention. I consciously intended to release rage and frustration from my field to lighten my vibration. The Universe, in holy collaboration with my Higher Self, said, “OK. We heard you. That’s why you’re not going anywhere or doing much of anything until you get this sorted out.”
Then Grace set up the situation that created the opening.
I thanked my friend for persevering in pursuing me, even when I was unresponsive. She thanked me for having the courage to start the conversation. While my sciatica was still painful, I knew that from that point on, it would heal. We hugged and wept as we saged away the remnants of confusion and hurt. Since, our relationship has evolved in new ways. Our imperfect but sincere love can flow freely again.
So – back to my original question.
How’s your transformation going?
Please give us a few words in the comments.